선 고[시]

 

인생은 선고로 산다

그 순간은 피를 말린다

수많은 시험이 피를 말린다

납품에 패스할까

프로포즈가 패스할까

 

내 인생 최초의 선고는

무엇이었던가

육사시험 발표였다

내 인생 최상의 선고는 무엇이었을까

박사논문을 쓰기 위해 치르는

필기시험과 구두시험이었다

 

대한민국 육사출신 현역중령

하버드나 스탠포드 학비의 2.5배를

정부가 냈다

 

극기와 몰입의 경지에서

최선을 다했지만

그래도 실패하면

나는 죽어야 했다

이 이상의 무자비한 선고는

내 인생 중

더는 없었다

 

미해군대학원 석사 박사 수여식장

나 홀로 프리마돈나가 되었다

이날의 유일한 박사는

대한민국 육군 중령 지만원이었다

이날의 미해군대학원 졸업식 행사는

대한민국 육군 중령 지만원을 위한 것이었다

그 영광의 순간

내 마음 어땠을까

그냥 담담했다

 

북한군 개입을 발설했다고

2003년 1월 광주법원이

선고를 했다

판사 앞에 선 나는

판결의 결과를 기다리는 것이 아니었다

전라도 판사를 경멸할 뿐이었다

 

2009년 나는

또 5.18로 인해

판사 앞에 섰다

그래도 운이 좋아

안양판사 앞에 섰다

두 명의 단독판사가

5.18재판을 회피했다

합의부 재판부가 형성됐다

그 판사가 나를 대할 때

거머리 보듯 했다

선입관 때문이었다

매몰차게도 그 재판장은

날 향해 재판 도중 언제라도

법정구속이 가능한 존재라고 선포했다

 

나는 2년 동안

많은 자료를 제출했다

판사가 학습을 했다

송곳 같던 눈초리가

점차 온화해 졌다

 

2011년 1월 19일

나는 선고하는 판사 앞에 섰다

최선을 다한 나는

담담했다

무죄를 선고했는데도

그냥 담담했다

 

모레 나는

또 형사재판 판사 앞에 선다

광주 전체가 총동원된

고소사건에 대해 나는

3년 7개월 동안

열심히 방어해야 했다

이 사건은 좌와 우를 대표하는 결투다

 

하지만 지난 3년 7개월 동안

나는 외롭게 싸웠다

오로지 좁은 공간에서만

사랑하는 이들의 박수를 받았다 

 

결국 판결문을 받는 존재는

오로지 나 혼자다

판사로부터 받는

성적표는 오로지

나 혼자 감당해야 할

실존적 결산서다

그래서 나는 언제나

혼자 검은 하늘을 나는

외기러기다

 

Court Ruling

 

People, by accident, might face court ruling

The court ruling moment is someting nerve-racking

Examinations make people nerve-racking

Will my supply contract be okayed?

Will my hand be accepted?

 

What was my first case of being nerve-racking?

It was the moment to wait for the result of the military academy entrance examination

Then what was the best one in my life?

It was when I took written and oral examination for my doctoral thesis

 

For a ROK miltary academy graduate and an army liutenant colonel in active service

ROK government bore entire tuition which was approximately 2.5 times more expensive than in Havard and Stanford

There was no choice for me but would be totally ruined if failed dsepite self-denial and state of immersion

It was the hardest moment of ruling through my lifetime

 

At the venue of the  master's and doctor's degree conferment in the US Naval Post Guraduate School

I was the only graduate treated  like a prima donna

On that day, an army liutenant colonel, Jee Man-won  from the Republic of Korea, was the only student who had received the doctoral degree

Everything done at the conferment ceremony by the USNPS was in fact for the liutenant colonel, Jee Man-won

How was I feeling?

I just felt serene

 

In January 2003, the Gwangju District Court sentenced me

Though standing in front of the judge, I paid no attention to the result of the court ruling ,but I just had a great contempt for the judge of Jeolla province instead

 

In 2009, I stood again before the judge.

Fortunately it was done at the Anyang District Court, not Gwangju

Two single judges evaded the trial of the May 18th case in a row

A callegiate court was formed

The judge of the callegiate court cynically stared at me because of a prejudice

The judge was coldly telling me that I would be put under court custody at any time

 

I had defended by submitting a lot of relevant data for two years

The judge seemed to have acknowledged a lot of facts and truth

Since then, the judge started showing a bit of sofening of his cold attitude

 

On January 19, 2011,  I stood in front of the judge to hear the final ruling of the case

I who had done best felt serene too even though I was acquitted

 

The day after tomorrow, on February 13, 2020,

I have to be standing again before the judge of a criminal trial

For last 3.7 years I have defended myself for the lawsuit filed by the Gweangju  people

This lawsuit case can be defined as a battle between the rightists and the leftists

 

Nonetheless, I have fought lonesomely for 3.7 years biting the bullet

And I received applauses from those who love me in the small places

 

In the end, the man who will receive the written judgement is me only

The transcript to be given by the judge means an existential balance sheet that I shall have to lonesomely bear by myself

Therefore, I am a solitray wild goose that always flies in the black sky

 

February 11,2020

Jee, Man-won

2020.2.11. 지만원

http://www.systemclub.co.kr/ 

 

 

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